M.Lot's Thoughts

Today is day one. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and I don’t care. Today I begin. The biggest lie we believe is that you can’t start over!

What’s been holding me back from moving on has been not letting go of past failures. I need to live today like yesterday is forgotten and tomorrow is not promised.

I’ve made mistakes. They are forgiven. If it was intended for me to mourn every sin or mistake I’ve made I’d never leave my knees let alone my house.

I don’t think this was the abundant life Christ talked about.

Christ came to save us by forgiving and loving. It’s easy for us to comprehend his unfailing love compared to his undying forgiveness and grace. I’ve experienced love from family, friends, even strangers. My mom has shown me unconditional love, so I have some idea of this concept.

Never have I experienced true grace or true forgiveness outside of Christ.

We as humans don’t know how to forgive naturally. We always assume everyone else needs forgiveness for what they’ve done to us. I’ve told people that I forgive them, when to this day it still kind of lingers, no matter how faint.

Knowing that our natural tendency is to hold on to these hurts, even if we seemingly have extended forgiveness, it then becomes that much harder for us to accept that God offers “True Grace”.

True grace us where your future lives. It’s where your past is forgotten. We , as believers, are constantly living under a state of True Grace whether we like it or not.

It’s not just saying “I’m saved by grace” but it’s truely believing it.

It’s a two way street!

The forgiveness that God gives us is pure, without any alterior motive or agenda. Period.

But for grace to be fully functional and effective in our lives we need to forgive and forget ourselves.

Let it go…

I truely feel that most of the time the biggest roadblock between us and God, is us! It’s time to forget about yesterday and tomorrow. Today is the day that God has given us to live abundantly; without guilt, self-resentment, or past failures slowing us down but rather with a new hope!

A new hope that it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, what you might do or what you are doing. We serve a God who has extended you True Grace and has loved you to the end.

Father, help me receive your True Grace. I want it! I want to live life knowing and believing that I AM forgiven. So that I am able to move forward to receive and extend your love. I know that I will never fully understand your love and grace, but I trust an believe that your are faithful to your word. Lord I love you and thank you for ALL that you are!

AHHHHHHHHHH! that’s how i feel sometimes when i sit down and try and work on this new album, sometimes i feel like im making huge strides, and other times and i feel like i’m only going backwards. Then there are times like today, when i sit down in front of a blank page with my guitar, and a song comes along. Anytime this happens to me it is SO important. It’s more than just getting a song idea out, it means that there’s hope for the rest of the album. It ALWAYS happens when i’m on the brink of giving up *See any previous blog*.

Like the title of this post implies, i need to have a “Marathon Mindset”, meaning that getting this album written and recorded and refined and refined again, is not going to be a day or week, or even a couple months process, it’s going to be like running a marathon. With previous projects i’ve done, my only concern was to get them out as fast as i can, rather then spend some time with it and let it develop. That’s why i’m so excited/nervous with this album. Not only is it my first full length album, but it’ll be the first album i’ve invested myself in personally.

I’ve been wanting to go out and play some small shows with the new material, but i know it’s not ready yet. i know I’M not ready yet. i have an idea for when i want to do some shows and i have an idea as to when i want to finish and release this album, but i want to let it take it’s course naturally.

I always have my doubts though, and it terrifies me. This music i’m making is definitely a departure from my usual myspace tracks, it leans towards the videos i made on youtube, but it’s even a departure from those. New sound = new fears. i’m making the music that fits who i am right now, and the thought of exposing that to people who at the snap of a figure will be ready to tell you how much it sucks is defnitely a little scary. But i have a feeling people will enjoy it, even though i know that some people will definitely not enjoy it hah

But it is what it is, despite all my fears and insecurities i’m really excited about this album and as i get further and further through this process i’m hoping that i wont be the alone one!

:)

-M.Lot

“Any hope will turn to smoke if you let it

I’ll invest in blank pages until the people get it”

This is from “Today’s Word”
Wednesday, November 4, 2009

“The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16

Prayer - The Greek word is deesis. It comes from the word deomai. What is important about this word is that it involves personal needs. The verse could be translated “The very strong very personal petitions”. There is nothing general about these requests. It is not “Oh, God, bless everyone in the world” or “Oh, God, saves those poor lost souls.” These petitions are your special heartaches. They are cries to God for the things that matter to you.

I often wonder if we truly understand the process of prayer. The Christian marketplace is flooded with books about prayer. But perhaps we need much less instruction and much more honesty in this matter. I remember many times when just getting on my knees seemed so hard to do, as if the act of subservience before God caused a great resistance to swell up in me. Now life has changed. I can bend the knee because He has stripped away my false defenses. But when I begin to pray, I often find my mind wandering and jumbled. So, these days I pray out loud. Even then I stumble. Now I actually keep a list in front of me. “Father, here are my very personal concerns today. I have written them down so that I won’t lose track of what I want to tell you about.”

Even with this preparation for prayer, the times of real heart wrenching pleas are few. But I remember them. Tears streaming down my face, sobs and shakes, I laid my soul bare before the Lord. I came close to James’ description. It wasn’t the tears or the sobs. It was the vulnerability.

So many times our prayers take on a “manufactured” style. They really aren’t about us at all. They are defined by the acceptable topics of “prayer” from our religious background. James tells us quite the opposite. Intense yearnings, very strong pleading and crying out to the Lord begins with complete openness. We are so protective that even in front of God we often try to shield ourselves. That inner resistance must fall before our petitions become “exceedingly strong”. It comes from the obedience of a life broken before Him, willing to accept any answer that serves His purposes.

Ultimately, prayer is not about me at all. It is certainly begins with my needs, but prayer shifts the focus from me to God so that my needs become the avenue for His purposes. That shift cannot occur until I am empty before Him.

I was reading something today that said “Praise should follow answered prayer”. I found that very striking considering tonight is a Prayer and Praise night and i’ll be leading worship. Leading worship may be the mos interesting thing that i’ve ever done, it’s unlike anything elese i’ve ever done in ministry. The opportunity to help lead students to worship our creator is very powerful! Back to the point, tonight we will be praying about what God’s doing in our lives, our church and our community and Praising him all the while.

When i read that little snippet that said that praise should always follow answered prayer and made me think of al the things i’ve prayed for, especially all the monentary, temporary things that i felt like was so necessary for my life. I’ve spent way too much time in my life praying for the things i “want”, instead of simply praying. Like i posted in my last post, Jesus gave us very simple instructions when it came to prayer: “gives us this day” “Forgive us” “Praise you!” “Help Us”.

That prayer was a good example of “leaning on him”. So much prayer in my life has become all about ME and not enough of HIM! Praise and Worship has become a lot like that too, i’ll listen to different worship songs to see which ones i’d like to play whenever i lead worship, and it’s sad the amount worship songs that are solely focused on ourselves and not enough on actually worshipping GOD!

He’s given us this day,Praise HIM!

Spurgeons devo says this about the “Our Father” prayer:

This prayer begins where all true prayer must commence, with the spirit of adoption, “Our Father.” There is no acceptable prayer until we can say, “I will arise, and go unto my Father.” This child-like spirit soon perceives the grandeur of the Father “in heaven,” and ascends to devout adoration, “Hallowed be thy name.” The child lisping, “Abba, Father,” grows into the cherub crying, “Holy, Holy, Holy.” There is but a step from rapturous worship to the glowing missionary spirit, which is a sure outgrowth of filial love and reverent adoration-“Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Next follows the heartfelt expression of dependence upon God-“Give us this day our daily bread.” Being further illuminated by the Spirit, he discovers that he is not only dependent, but sinful, hence he entreats for mercy, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors:” and being pardoned, having the righteousness of Christ imputed, and knowing his acceptance with God, he humbly supplicates for holy perseverance, “Lead us not into temptation.” The man who is really forgiven, is anxious not to offend again; the possession of justification leads to an anxious desire for sanctification. “Forgive us our debts,” that is justification; “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,” that is sanctification in its negative and positive forms. As the result of all this, there follows a triumphant ascription of praise, “Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever and ever, Amen.” We rejoice that our King reigns in providence and shall reign in grace, from the river even to the ends of the earth, and of his dominion there shall be no end. Thus from a sense of adoption, up to fellowship with our reigning Lord, this short model of prayer conducts the soul. Lord, teach us thus to pray

God, I miss you… Not because I’m suppose to But because I need to Because the lies are too heavy to lift And I know that you love me more than I know. I miss the joy you brought to my life The clarity when life was foggy And the strength when I could no longer walk. God, I miss you… Because I’ve taken so much of myself And left you with scraps Because my heart is breaking And I’ve been trying to repair it myself I miss your comfort, your conviction, Getting sick to my stomach at the thought of ever hurting you. God, I miss you… Because this child of yours is tired But I’m too ashamed to come back Because I know that no matter what You’ll always love me. I miss you Because no one will ever accept me like you do. And the flaws and sins in my life that other “Christians” chastise…you heal…and you help God, I miss you… Because I’ve been too afraid to admit that I miss you…even though you’re always here Because I couldn’t imagine a life apart from you…no matter how hard I’ve tried Because you’re more than theology and opinions…you’re love and you’re truth. God, I miss you… Because I know you’ve missed me too.

Man, I’ve been hoping to get a rough recording of a new song up but, I came upon a bronchial infection! My voice is healing and I’ve taken a break from writing for now. I think starting tomorrow I should be back on track!

I need to keep reminding myself to stay petient. If this album is going to be any good at all , let alone the beat record I can make, it’s going to take time!

So I was sitting down the other day for another writing session for the album when I just got a creative block. I couldn’t think of anything good or original, all inspiration an creativity were gone. So I quit. Frustrated, I threw in the towel for the day. Later that evening I was tlking to a friend of mine and after our conversation, inspiration hit me like a ton of bricks. I layed down a rough chorus for the song, recorded it and let it be. I couldn’t figure out if I truely liked the track or if I wa just desperate now 2 days later I listened to the rough cut of the chorus and I love it! It’s given me the creative boost I needed to press on and release and album that I’ll be happy with. I’ll be posting 2 rough clips I’ve been working on sometime tomorrow. Until then, take advantage of every moment you have today, because it’ll soon be a yesterday that’ll never change. Peace!

I’m currently working on a few songs for the album. They all sound so different from each other as far as sound goes, ill be posting a clip of my most recent one this weekend. Keep in mind that this this not the final song or mix! The finished version will be exponentially better in every way. I’m still writing everyday, still waiting for inspiration to hit me harder then before. It always comes when I least expect it, that’s why I love writing songs! Anyways I hope you enjoy the clip this weekend an I hope I can get some feedback! - M.Lot